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Random Thoughts of a Sick Girl

I’m totally going to punch it in today. I’m still sick, my legs hurt, and I can’t stop coughing. I’m tired, a little cranky, and Pugsy pooped in the house twice today ’cause I can’t move fast enough to get my achy, booger-infested face to the front door quick enough. So, here’s a bunch of random thoughts I’ve been thinking about.

  • Judge Judy is funny as hell. My favorite thing she says to people is, “You’re useless.” I had a coughing fit when I heard that for the first time yesterday. She was young, like twenty-two, and the look of disdain on Judge Judy’s face is just priceless.
  • Being single sucks when you’re sick. Making your own food, cleaning up after yourself, trying to let the dog out fast enough…these things blow chunks when you’re blowing chunks. Not fun. I need a man. Or a live-in maid. Or a man who is a maid.
  • There’s a five day trail in Portugal called The Fisherman’s Trail. It follows the Atlantic coast. It’s people sparse and natural beauty packed. I want to hike it. I like being alone and hiking allows me to think deeply.
  • I have a crazy habit of looking up every actor in Wikipedia for whatever movie I’m watching. I like to read their bios and especially see when their birth date is. I’ll think things like, “Oh, she’s my age. Why am I a sad, lazy fuck sitting here on my bed?” Or things like, “He’s so young here. He did not age well.”
  • I am obsessed with age and death. When I see videos of dead people, I wonder what they would have done differently if they knew they were going to die. Like when I was watching Murphy’s Romance, which came out in 1985. James Garner died in 2014. I’m curious if I could travel back in time to that year, walk up to James and say, “Hey Jimmy, you’re gonna kick it in 2014.” What do you think he’d do?
  • When I was a kid, I always wanted to dance. I guess I didn’t have any moves because I remember, very distinctly, that my mother said I should be more like my brother. I never danced at home again (what can I say, I was a sensitive child). Now though? I dance all the fucking time…so much so it’s kind of become a meme at work. I am no longer so sensitive.
  • You know what I don’t understand? I don’t understand why people would buy a house where they know—KNOW—that they’ll have to evacuate it during a storm. Those people that have their houses flooded regularly boggle my mind. Why in the world would you give yourself that headache? And some people even do it deliberately. Ugh.
  • I can’t watch horror movies. I have nightmares for weeks. This is especially true since I live alone. Even a scary commercial scares the hell out of me. I hate it. I will never watch a horror movie. It’s not worth the sleepless nights.
  • I am a lot more self-conscious that I think people believe I am.
  • I hate my hands. They are large and manly. They are more suited to be working in the fields than typing on the keyboard. I love the winter because I can wear long sleeves and gloves and cover them up. There really isn’t anything dainty or small about me.
  • My hopes and dreams for the future change as often as the sun rises, you change your socks, or any other metaphor for things happening all the time. My desires are a pinball. This did not go over well with the ex, who wanted me to remain resolute and firm in my decisions. I always felt like, “The world changes so why shouldn’t I?”
  • I have a fear I will never be loved again. Dramatic? Yes. True to how I feel? Most definitely. Do I deserve to be loved again? Who knows.
  • I can change my own oil and air filter although I have someone do it now. I guess you could call me lazy or smart, depending on your take.
  • The Patriots football team is going to the Super Bowl. This makes me mostly angry. Watching the coach give press conferences is worse than stabbing needles into my nipples. Living in Patriot’s country, with all of these die-hard fans, is problematic when you’re a Giants fan. Oh well, it just gives my coworkers more reason to hate me.
  • I really started using Vim (an archaic text editor) because I felt like I was a mediocre programmer and I wanted something that made me feel smarter. Now I have a hard time using anything else. I’m writing this blog post in Vim right now.

Well, that’s over my 750 words. I’m gonna go down some medicine and pass the fuck out.

Photo by Elena Prokofyeva on Unsplash

Filed under: Thoughts

About the Author

Posted by

Hey there, I'm Selene. I'm a software programmer by day, and a bumbling, fumbling fiction writer in the early mornings. I have published one story in my life, in sixth grade. Wild Mind is a blog about the painful and joyful process of becoming a writer.

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